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1、Graduation without You By Samantha Halle “I was listening to the radio this morning. Dads were sharing moments during which they were so proud of their children; it brought tears to their eyes. My hand reached to change the station, but I was frozen — I wanted to hear more of the love in their v

2、oices.”刪去，與主題“graduation”沒有關系，刪去后主題更加明顯。 Looking through tears at the cars in front of me, I thought about all the moments in the past few months that would have brought tears to my own dad’s eyes; the moments that would have made him proud. In one month, I’ll graduate from high school — the coun

3、tdown to the end. “It’s as if a domino was tapped.”句刪除，與主題關系疏遠，包含生詞。 One by one, things are starting to end. And “, with each of my senior lasts”部分刪除，“senior”為生詞，句式存在語病。 , I’m one step closer to the “that surreal moment”改“the moment”，“surreal”為生詞，且超綱。 moment that’s played in my head for years

4、and years: walking across that stage to graduate. It’s a moment that the Class of 2010 has looked forward to since September; one that we have longed for on countless occasions. Whether viewed as an escape from our high school walls, or the harvest “culmination”改為“harvest”，“culmination”為生詞，且超綱。 o

5、f years of projects, tests, and quizzes, graduation is a celebration of success — a celebration in which you’re surrounded by your teachers, family, and friends. But as the days inch closer and closer to June 18th, a fact that I’ve known for seven and a half years has become increasingly more real:

6、my dad won’t be there. It’s something I’ve struggled（掙扎） 加注中文，“Struggle”為生詞，關系到主題理解，易于主題的理解。 with all year. For me, graduation stands for “is symbolic of ”改為“stands for”，“symbolic”為生詞，且超綱。 all the things he has missed and will miss. It’s knowing that he won’t be there to watch me with his fill-

7、the-room smile. That he won’t be here to take an entire memory card’s worth of pictures, and that the family pictures that are taken will feel incomplete. I won’t get a bear hug while hearing him tell me how fast I’ve grown up, and he can’t purposefully play tricks on “embarrass”改為“play tricks on”，“

8、embarrass”為生詞。 me just for laughs. Nor can he talk with “brag to”改為“talk with”，brag to”為生詞，且超綱。 his friends about my successes because he wasn’t here to experience them with me. But it’s even more than all of that. It’s realizing that he never knew me as a teenager, and will never know me as a

9、grown-up “adult ”改為“grown-up”，“adult ”為生詞。 . That he will have missed all of my “graduations,” from primary “elementary”改為“primary”，“elementary”為生詞，且超綱。 , middle, and high school. It’s the fact that I’ve made decisions about my future and am moving on to create my own life. A life he will never kn

10、ow. Among “Amidst”改為“Among”，“Amidst”使用不規(guī)范。 all the excitement about graduating and moving on to new things is a “an underlying fear”改為“a fear”，“underlying”為超綱詞匯，刪去不影響主題理解。 fear. As much as I’ve tried to hug “embrace”改為“hug”，“embrace”為生詞，且超綱。 changes in my life, change still makes me uneasy. D

11、espite all of the changes that have taken place “occurred”改為“taken place”，“occurred”為生詞，替換易于主題的理解。 since he died more than seven years ago, these changes feel harder. It frightens “scares”改為“frightens”，“scares”為生詞，替換易于主題的理解。 me to know that I will no longer be surrounded by my family on a day-to

12、-day basis, nor will I be in an environment I know. I’m worried that it will be easier for my memories of him to fade; I’m frightened “terrified”改為“frightened”，“terrified”為生詞，且超綱。 I’ll begin to forget. As the years since my Dad’s death have grown in number, fewer and fewer of my friends are peopl

13、e who actually knew my Dad, and it frightens 同16。 me to think that moving on to college, and on with my life, will only make this worse. This, in itself, is a thought that has brought me to tears on countless occasions. “Most of my current friends never knew him — to them, he’s just a myriad of b

14、its and pieces of memories; stories that are tied to a sad part of my life. He’s more of a myth than a real person, and”刪去后與上一段合并，語意有重復，刪去合并后主旨更加鮮明。 It hurts to know that a day will come when most “The majority”改為“most”，“The majority”為生詞，替換易于主題的理解。 of those who?did?know him will no longer be a pa

15、rt of my life. In 30 days I’ll graduate wearing the last necklace Dad bought me with a picture of the two of us “taped on the inside of my cap”刪去，與主題無關，“tap”為生詞，且超綱。 . And although I’ll do small things like this to help keep us together “stay connected”改為“stay connected”，“connected”為生詞，替換易于主題的理解。 , it won’t make up for the fact that he’s not here. At the end of the day, it still won’t be fair. Yet, I know I’ve become the person I am because of my loss. And I know he would be proud! “.”改為“!”突出主題，豐富情感。 688words